Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. ! Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. Is anyone else eagerly anticipating the update to this one? Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. Thats the risk that you take. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. It could fail. They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) Dont like the consequences? And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. Women are more easily able to get custody? I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. If the woman is not required to support a child And should. Ill never in a million years get it. Not your body, not your choice. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. reader, iz07a+, writes (11 March 2010): A Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. Youre more than welcome. Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . That isnt misogyny. No. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. And for some reason people always seem to have the idea that it wont happen to them. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. , CatsMeow I had no idea most women hated it. How does your law see that both get what they want? When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? Thats shitty. Why you ask? That wont solve anything. And why do you think shes trying to trap him? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LW? This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. They are babies. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. So for someone I love and care deeply about, its enjoyable. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. evanscr05 Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. You have to give up one or the other. April 9, 2012, 12:45 pm. SweetsAndBeats Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. lets_be_honest He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. Someone else has assumed it. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Both have to accept responsibility for that. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. Are sued for child support. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. female So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. We learned that in middle school. I totally understand. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. lets_be_honest I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. Its not some windfall for women. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. Seriously, this makes my blood boil. Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. Even if you wore a condom. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. Two. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. I agree with you, as well. But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? Whats your lawyers address? The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. Problem. That goes for women as well. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. Heres how I interpreted it. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? REALLY? The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. What a joke. A guy does have every right to tell her look, Im not ready to do this. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. They can either hope the woman opts to not keep the baby, or they pay. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. I wish it's that easy. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. I think, Chuck, what she meant was that no one is forcing these men to impregnate strangers. That way you will know things like what you both agree to do if she gets preggers, and how soon you jettison him if he goes and has sex with someone else ad knocks her up. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! Its always someone elses fault. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. Are you kidding? Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? While I am pro-choice, I would never have an abortion. Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. The guy started dating someone else. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. No, thats the kids money. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. iseeshiny THERE IS NO CHILD AT CONCEPTION. April 10, 2012, 4:35 pm. Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. Run. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. Its always just a hope. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. Do something to not have one! I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. And if so, Im ready. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. And do some growing up before you get involved with someone else. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. You are too funny John. Remember that episode when Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he freaked out because they used condoms? She trapped him? During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. He doesnt want anything to do with his child?
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